Growing up in the Catholic tradition, I was always concerned about the practice of praying for the “faithful departed.”  Didn’t those who were faithless, need our prayers even more?  It struck me as a subtle scare tactic for the living, implying, you’d better get to church or we won’t pray for you when you’re dead. Perhaps it is a leftover from a time, not so long ago when suicide deaths and deaths of convicted murderers were assumed to be faithless and were not allowed to be buried in a Catholic cemetery with the traditional Catholic rites.  Whether you knew of this, or practices like it, directly or not, you may have internalized its effects.  Ask yourself, am I forgivable?  Do you bump into a place where you’re not so sure about that one thing?  No matter how your loved one died, no matter what you have done in your life, we are all worthy of love now and at the hour of our death and after we pass.   The judgment and fear-mongering aside, praying for souls who have departed and honoring ancestors is a practice inspired by love.  In Celtic tradition, Samhain marks the beginning of the pagan year and is considered a time when the veil of separation between life and death becomes thin. Accordingly, it is set aside as a time to honor ancestors and remember the dead.   All Saints Day and All Souls Day, evolved out of this, as Christianity ‘spread’ throughout the West.   In the tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, the practice of the Essential Phowa is offered for the dying and deceased.   According to the Pathwork Guide, in any moment, we are all moving away from or toward the ‘center’ and physical death is the ultimate move toward the center.

 

"When a loved one dies, the process of grieving is a completion that allows us to honor that person's life and claim the wisdom we have gained through the relationship.  As we receive the gift of understanding, it transcends time and space, simultaneously gifting the soul of the one who passed over.  Grieving is more than learning to live without a dear one.  In many cases, we are required to forgive them and ourselves as we bring the story of the time we spent together to meaningful completion.   One of the most important things a dying person can know is that their life has had meaning.  This knowledge helps put their soul at peace... Regardless of what realm a soul is in, when we grieve as a completion, our love and wisdom reach through space and time as a help and a blessing.  It is never too late to help those who have died."

                                                      from   Pocketful of Miracles  by Joan Borysenko

 

The work of grieving is a challenging completion.  We first need to believe the loss is real.  We need to feel, express and heal the multitude of feelings associated with the ended relationship.  Some relationships are more complicated than others.  Some deaths are more complicated than others, such as elective or spontaneous abortions, accidents, or violent deaths.  We need to let go and we need to find meaning as we move forward. The work of grieving has no prescribed time limit.  We do it, when we do it.  In fact, some people shelve it for a time when they can get the support they need to do this work. If you have shelved some of your grief work or if you are actively grieving a loss, right now, I’d like to invite you to attend the Mourning Out Loud workshop on November 21.  There is also an eight-week, Wednesday evening grief process group to help you get through the holidays.  You don’t have to do it alone.

I offer this meditation for those who have died, especially for those souls who need it most. It is inspired by the faith traditions mentioned above.  If you use this and find it helpful for your grieving process, I invite you to post a comment about it here, on my blog. 

 

 

A Meditation for the Dying and Deceased

Stretch your body in all the ways that feel good to you, then find a comfortable position that supports relaxed awareness.  Close your eyes and feel your breath.  Allow your breath to gently expand as you become aware of moving your consciousness toward your center, whatever that means for you.  Become aware of the surfaces supporting you. Soften your belly, your jaw, your throat.  Take as much time as you need to quiet your mind and become centered.

See your loved one in your mind’s eye.  (If you are doing this for someone who is actively dying, you can do it in their presence.) Trust the image that comes to you. Visualize within this image, a Divine spark.  Imagine the Light of this essence, expanding in all directions to envelope the whole person.  Imagine a Light-filled Angel standing right next to him (her.)  See the Angel’s love pouring over your loved one.  Ask the Angel to lift this soul to the highest realms of Light.  See this Angel gently lift your loved one with loving arms.  Invoke with all your heart the loving presence of the Divine Beloved. (Use whatever image you and your loved one may have shared.)  Visualize the Angel lifting your loved one to merge with the Divine Beloved.  Ask for this Light to bless this soul and cleanse it  of any illusions or negativity that may be weighing down upon it.  Wish your loved one well upon the journey.  See all three images merge and dissolve into Pure Light.  Dedicate your practice on behalf of your loved one and for all souls in need and for your own healing. Find a way to transition gently to your next activity.

 

 

 

I like to think I contribute to the solution rather than the problem by doing little things, like driving a fuel efficient vehicle or diligently recycling. But when I saw the call to action to blog about climate change today, I thought that my spiritual practices are probably an even more powerful way to impact the earth. The earth, a living organism is in need of healing and purification. That's what Core Energetics work is all about. So as I work in my practice and in my own process, I "ground" to connect with the earth's energy. Moving forward, I intend to be mindful of the bi-directional nature of that connection and trust that there is no separation. As we heal, the earth heals and as the earth heals, we heal. For this knowing, I am grateful.

    Stopping Smoking was a huge turning point in my evolution as a human being.  I had been a hard-core smoker.  I really liked smoking and found it hard to believe that I would ever be able to stop.  I shamefully smoked through four pregnancies.  What I really wanted was to be FREE of the desire to smoke because I had little faith in my own willpower to resist the potent urges that come with nicotene addiction.  My body was giving me many signs that smoking was not right for me.  My chest felt tight in the morning upon awakening and this was ususally resolved with moving around and coughing.  Very attractive!  I got about three colds per year and with each one, bronchitis would last for several weeks.  Laughing made me cough.  Coughing made me feel short of breath.  I was miserable. My self-esteem was pretty poor.  And still, I thought I'd never be able to do it.  

    When all of my own attempts failed, I decided to try hypnosis on a whim.  I saw an ad in the newspaper for group hypnosis that was happening that very evening.   I went to a hotel in King of Prussia. There were about 75 smokers in attendance.  I had used hypnosis for stress management in the past, so I knew I was hypnotizable.  ( Most people are!)  I was surprised though, how easily I was able to go into hypnosis, sitting in a straight chair in a crowded room.  The experience was very pleasurable.  I left at the end of the session with a Smoking Cessation audio-tape in my hand.  I lit up a cigarette in the parking lot to prove it didn't work.  (I was very stubborn.)  But then I realized I hadn't even given it a fair chance.  I threw my cigarettes away, drove home and didn't smoke for two weeks. It was easy!  However, I knew I wasn't finished yet.  I went back to smoking for several more months.  

    Just after turning 32, (I had been smoking since 14) I realized I was more than half, as old as, my father was when he died.  He had been a smoker and died from heart disease at age 63.  I knew that I wanted to live and be healthy enough to continue raising my children.  It was one of those moments of consciousness,  an awakening of really wanting LIFE.  I dug out my audio-tape and set a date and started listening.  That was October 1990.  I have been free of the smoking habit ever since, really free as in, no desire to smoke.  Cravings came in that first year but they were so fleeting, there was almost no effort to resist.

    In 1995, I took an opportunity to train in the use of therapeutic hypnosis.  I was so impressed with how powerful hypnosis had been for me that I wanted to learn to use it with other people.  One of the first "suggestions"  given by my teacher, Pat Trowbridge,  during that training was to "keep an open mind."  I soaked it up and opened my mind to so many more possibilities.  Despite hypnosis working in the subconscious mind, there is always an element of conscious choice.  I opened my mind by choice, another moment of consciousness.   This opening forged me on a path of spiritual seeking.  It led me to my first experiences with energy work, which ultimately led me to my life-work of Core Energetics, (so far.) I am grateful for remembering my profound desire for LIFE and for the journey since that remembrance.

    Perhaps you or someone you know will be inspired to make smoking cessation your turning point.  I am offering a Holistic Smoking Cessation program that will include hypnosis, tools and a support system, starting November 7.  Participants may use the Great American Smoke Out as their quit date.

    
    
    

"What is up with my friends?  Half of them take ambien to go to sleep.  The other half open a bottle of wine after work, every day."  This is a very curious concern coming from a thirty-year old client of mine.  It saddens me to hear it.  I think of the old adage about a clear conscience being a soft pillow.  But could it be that so many have a nagging conscience that won't let them sleep?  I don't believe so.  It occurs to me that many of us keep ourselves so busy (numb) through the course of a day that there is no time for quiet reflection or just plain 'feeling."  Caught in a whirlwind of being busy in the head, they may have difficulty shutting it off when it's time for sleep. This combined with the constant barrage of advertising telling us which pill will save us from what ailment, it's no wonder, really.  My client who wants to be fully alive, wants to feel her feelings and allow them to be an integral part of her decision-making, feels isolated for not wanting to numb out.  I recommended she consider a  Core process group, where she can be with other people who work to be vitally alive and fully feeling.  

Underbelly is term used to describe the side which is not normally seen. Figuratively it means a vulnerable or weak part, similar to the term, Achilles' heel. What is the soft underbelly of where you are at this moment? If you stop and breathe, what is the feeling you might not want anyone else to know about? Can you, at least let yourself know?  What is your deepest longing?  Can you hold yourself with compassion, here? So much of our day to day is blind to our own soft underbelly.  Knowing our vulnerabilities is where our true strength lies.  The work of Core Energetics is often about being able to stand in our naked (figuratively) vulnerability, as a means to deepening our connection to self, Spirit, and others.  There in the underbelly lies our deepest truth, our connection to the Core.  Blessings to you.

These are simple and you can pretty much do them anywhere.  Enjoy!
1.) Sit in a chair with your back straight, feet flat on the floor, hands in your lap. Become aware of how the chair and the floor are supporting you. Hold the awareness for a minute or two.
2.) Breathe in to the count of eight, breathe out to the count of eight.  Try to make the flow of breath a steady stream in and out.
Try this for about three minutes, at first.  You may decide to go longer, later.  If eight feels too difficult, start with a count of five and work your way up.
3.) Gently, put your pinky fingers in your ears and listen to the sound of your own breath for about 10 breaths. Be sure to rest your elbows on your desk or somewhere, while you do this.
4.) Kick off your shoes and use the toes of one foot to rub the sole of the other foot and then switch. Feel the difference when you put your shoes back on.
5.) Use two hands to tap your whole body  Start with one foot and work your way up the leg, then tap the other side.  Get to every part you can reach.
5.) Drink 12 ounces of water, all at once.
6.) Sitting or standing, gently drop your chin to your chest, then slowly gently sweep your chin across your chest all the way to the right and then all the way to the left.  Go back and forth, steadily and continuously, as if you are drawing a smile on your chest with your chin.
7.) Arch your back and then curl your back, several times, using a slow, steady continuous movement, notice how your breath flows with the movement.

That was my Facebook status today. I stayed in my pajamas all day, too!  Doing so gave me a chance to let feelings flow and to honor my real need to slow down.  It also inspired the topic for my next workshop, "Be Still and Know."  See events calendar.  I realize that may sound like I was working rather than breathing.  But the truth is when ideas and plans arise from my still inner voice, as opposed to my head, it doesn't feel like work at all. The weekend of October 3 and 4 was slated for a grief workshop "Mourning Out Loud" in NYC.  But many factors have led me to provide a workshop closer to home.  Serendipitously, I discovered "Yoga for Living,"  a beautiful yoga studio right nearby that is ideal for a Core Energetics workshop.  I stopped in to see the place last week to check it out. The energy there was so clear and calm, I decided to stay for Rhonda Clarke's Svaroopa class.  I practice Svaroopa on my own pretty regularly, but quickly realized how much more effective the practice is when done in a class led by a gentle, skilled teacher.  Thank you, Rhonda!  I'll be back.  So here is the workshop description.  You're invited! BE STILL AND KNOW: a Core Energetics workshop October 3 &4 Saturday, 11 a.m. -6 p.m, Sunday, 1:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.    Remember what it’s like to just BE? Many of us do not.  You want to settle in and listen to your inner voice, but there is so much life to keep up with.  Even when you find time to relax, negative thoughts, worry, and angst interfere.  Are you tired of hearing yourself talk about how busy everyone is or how overwhelming life is these days?  Too much technology?  Too much information?  Too many bills? Too much to do?    Come and get reconnected with your inner voice.  Get some negativity out of your system through work with your body and your energy.  Feel the feelings you haven’t had time to feel. Reacquaint yourself with your playful, joyous self.  Open to receive.  Juice up your creativity. Connect deeply with yourself and others in this powerful workshop.  Spend an autumn weekend rekindling your most important relationship… your relationship with yourself.   (Sleeping in on Sunday is strongly suggested, or if you have a Spiritual practice that supports your connection, do that.)   Investment in your most valuable asset, you:  $125 by 9/23. $150 after 9/23. Kate Holt is a Core Energetics Practitioner in Marlton, NJ.  In addition to individual and couples sessions, Kate offers process groups and workshops on many topics.  Kate is on the Faculty of the Institute of Core Energetics, New York and trains practitioners, locally.  Call 856/261-4900 to register. www.kateholt.info kateholt@verizon.net      

The following newlsetter excerpt comes my my teachers, Brian and Marcia Gleason, who developed the Exceptional Marriage model for couples.  I have been blessed to be able to participate in their training for practitioners.  You can sign up to receive their wonderful newsletter by visiting their beautiful webiste Exceptional Marriage. 

Inclusion and Diversity (from May Newsletter)      Inclusion and diversity are powerful words that I have been coming across lately, both in my Core Energetics community and my Essential Experience (EE) community.  For me, these words carry a lovely vibration. "Inclusion" feels warm and inviting.  As I say it, I can feel the vibration in my heart and diaphragm and it feels grounding.  "Diversity" is brimming with excitement and charge, very alive.  But why do we even need these words?  We need them because we have been consciously or unconsciously creating "exclusion" and have somehow kept things pretty "homegeneous".  While the words, inclusion and diversity, are positive and expansive, I must admit there is some fear just under the surface.  I think this fear is what needs exploration.  Fear is negative and it needs to be clearly defined in order to be brought to light. Very often fear is born out of misconceptions.  Sometimes fear is about expansion and letting go of previously accepted boundaries.  Every time I expand my previously defined boundaries, I experience fear.  It becomes problematic if I allow the fear to take me to contraction.  For example, if I fear the expenses and maintenance of moving into a larger space, I can allow the fear to be there, pray for courage, and rise to meet the new expectations, anyway.  Or I can allow the fear to rule me and chose to stay in the tight space. The pain in this is not so much about the tight space but about the unwillingness to risk.  There is pain when we hold ourselves back.  We may be conscious of it and find ways to justify it.  More often, we will keep ourselves numb to it; protect ourselves from even knowing about it.  Whatever we do to numb ourselves is simultaneously deadening our life force energy.     The work of Core Energetics is in part about examining our hidden (unconscious) negativity, releasing that energy and transforming it, on a very personal level.  We look at the ways we block love and intimacy.  We look at the ways we disempower or sabotage ourselves.  In the looking, we often discover our woundedness and bring light and healing.  We find our personal power and our will to love and be loved is strengthened. The process is enlivening and it takes courage.     The following quote comes from the Q&A section following the Pathwork Guide Lecture #25. The question asked about the spiritual significance of different races: You may wonder why certain races do not suffer from being different from others.  Then you might ask, "What can they learn from that?"  Indeed, they, too, have something to learn.  Perhaps they need to learn the responsibility that arises from being spared sufferings that other peoples may have.  Besides, this angle is not the only one to be considered.  A spirit can be born into a race or nation because spiritually, emotionally, character-wise and psychologically it belongs to this group and therefore has the best opportunity to unfold there.  Differences will exist as long as disunity exists on earth and humanity has not learned to overcome it.  As any difficulty or apparent disadvantage can be a cure, which it must be if the person is on the right path, advantage can be a cure, too.  Through differences of race, religion, nationality, or various other categories, humanity can become stronger and advance faster in spiritual development precisely because frictions exist.  Without friction, development can never proceed.  It is only a question of how the difficulty is met, always; how is it met individually and collectively.      I am making a commitment to use the Core Energetics process to examine my fear around this issue of inclusion.  I want to continue to expand toward unification within myself and with those in the world.  At this time, I don’t feel I have a lot of answers but I am willing to be with the questions.  What am I afraid of?  What I am protecting? What don’t I want to see in myself? What don't I want to see in the other?