Growing up in the Catholic tradition, I was always concerned about the practice of praying for the “faithful departed.”  Didn’t those who were faithless, need our prayers even more?  It struck me as a subtle scare tactic for the living, implying, you’d better get to church or we won’t pray for you when you’re dead. Perhaps it is a leftover from a time, not so long ago when suicide deaths and deaths of convicted murderers were assumed to be faithless and were not allowed to be buried in a Catholic cemetery with the traditional Catholic rites.  Whether you knew of this, or practices like it, directly or not, you may have internalized its effects.  Ask yourself, am I forgivable?  Do you bump into a place where you’re not so sure about that one thing?  No matter how your loved one died, no matter what you have done in your life, we are all worthy of love now and at the hour of our death and after we pass.   The judgment and fear-mongering aside, praying for souls who have departed and honoring ancestors is a practice inspired by love.  In Celtic tradition, Samhain marks the beginning of the pagan year and is considered a time when the veil of separation between life and death becomes thin. Accordingly, it is set aside as a time to honor ancestors and remember the dead.   All Saints Day and All Souls Day, evolved out of this, as Christianity ‘spread’ throughout the West.   In the tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, the practice of the Essential Phowa is offered for the dying and deceased.   According to the Pathwork Guide, in any moment, we are all moving away from or toward the ‘center’ and physical death is the ultimate move toward the center.

"When a loved one dies, the process of grieving is a completion that allows us to honor that person's life and claim the wisdom we have gained through the relationship.  As we receive the gift of understanding, it transcends time and space, simultaneously gifting the soul of the one who passed over.  Grieving is more than learning to live without a dear one.  In many cases, we are required to forgive them and ourselves as we bring the story of the time we spent together to meaningful completion.   One of the most important things a dying person can know is that their life has had meaning.  This knowledge helps put their soul at peace... Regardless of what realm a soul is in, when we grieve as a completion, our love and wisdom reach through space and time as a help and a blessing.  It is never too late to help those who have died."

                                                      from   Pocketful of Miracles  by Joan Borysenko

 

The work of grieving is a challenging completion.  We first need to believe the loss is real.  We need to feel, express and heal the multitude of feelings associated with the ended relationship.  Some relationships are more complicated than others.  Some deaths are more complicated than others, such as elective or spontaneous abortions, accidents, or violent deaths.  We need to let go and we need to find meaning as we move forward. The work of grieving has no prescribed time limit.  We do it, when we do it.  In fact, some people shelve it for a time when they can get the support they need to do this work. If you have shelved some of your grief work or if you are actively grieving a loss, right now, I’d like to invite you to attend the Mourning Out Loud workshop on November 21.  There is also an eight-week, Wednesday evening grief process group to help you get through the holidays.  You don’t have to do it alone.

I offer this meditation for those who have died, especially for those souls who need it most. It is inspired by the faith traditions mentioned above.  If you use this and find it helpful for your grieving process, I invite you to post a comment about it here, on my blog. 

A Meditation for the Dying and Deceased

Stretch your body in all the ways that feel good to you, then find a comfortable position that supports relaxed awareness.  Close your eyes and feel your breath.  Allow your breath to gently expand as you become aware of moving your consciousness toward your center, whatever that means for you.  Become aware of the surfaces supporting you. Soften your belly, your jaw, your throat.  Take as much time as you need to quiet your mind and become centered.

See your loved one in your mind’s eye.  (If you are doing this for someone who is actively dying, you can do it in their presence.) Trust the image that comes to you. Visualize within this image, a Divine spark.  Imagine the Light of this essence, expanding in all directions to envelope the whole person.  Imagine a Light-filled Angel standing right next to him (her.)  See the Angel’s love pouring over your loved one.  Ask the Angel to lift this soul to the highest realms of Light.  See this Angel gently lift your loved one with loving arms.  Invoke with all your heart the loving presence of the Divine Beloved. (Use whatever image you and your loved one may have shared.)  Visualize the Angel lifting your loved one to merge with the Divine Beloved.  Ask for this Light to bless this soul and cleanse it  of any illusions or negativity that may be weighing down upon it.  Wish your loved one well upon the journey.  See all three images merge and dissolve into Pure Light.  Dedicate your practice on behalf of your loved one and for all souls in need and for your own healing. Find a way to transition gently to your next activity.